What I wish I knew before I had a miscarriage……
There’s a dirty word among women who are either trying to get pregnant or are already pregnant. This unspoken word, not said out loud for fear of it happening to them, is Miscarriage. Sadly it’s more common than you think, and it happened to me twice. According to Medicinenet.com, it happens in approximately 10-20% of all pregnancies. No one truly knows why, the best guess is that there were something genetically wrong with that embryo, not always related to the mother, or if the mother already has a medical condition that would heighten their risk such as diabetes or thyroid disease. I guess I fell into the first category because I don’t have any underlying medical conditions. By why me? This is the question that I think we all ask ourselves when it happens.
Even when it does happen, I swear people don’t tell others what the process truly is. I was 12 weeks pregnant, yes that is generally the cutoff for the highest risk of miscarriage, and I started spotting. It was not so much that I worried at first, but it continued and I started cramping. This was like the normal period type cramps, which did worry me. I made my way to labor and delivery, where they told me they couldn’t help me, and referred me to the ER.
If you have ever been to the ER for any reason, this is the worst place ever. You never know what it is you will see that day. Regardless, I checked in, and when the lady asked me why I was there, I whispered to her that I thought I was miscarrying. She did give me a look of sympathy, handed me a bag that had giant pads in it, and told me to take a seat. I had no clue what the pads were for, I mean I had never been through this ordeal. I had two perfectly healthy children already, why was this happening to me?
About an hour after sitting in the ER, the cramps getting worse by the minute, my husband arrived. He was my rock during this whole ordeal. After about the 10th dash to the bathroom because I was bleeding like someone stabbed me down there, he yelled at the ER personnel to help me. I must have looked like death because they put me in a wheelchair and sent me back.
No one ever tells you that miscarriage is much like having a baby. Your body gets contractions and you bleed, a lot. Granted, I didn’t have the pressure of a child in my birth canal, but you can believe that I was screaming for some drugs. Hello, this crap hurts. The nurses were very patient with me, and tried to answer the question I kept screaming, why, why didn’t anyone tell me this would feel this way?
I am not sure who was more mortified, me or my husband when pieces of my uterus and other things made an appearance, but it wasn’t pretty. The nurse brought in this white bucket to collect up the “stuff”, and once my body had finally gotten rid of everything, she kindly asks me if I want to bury it. I just couldn’t even acknowledge what had just happened to me. Through the blinding tears and sobs, I told her no. She asked me if I wanted it examined for a reason as to why I miscarried, you bet your butt, I said yes. I wanted to know what I did to cause this. She tried so hard to tell me it wasn’t my fault, but if it wasn’t mine then whose? There is no reasoning with a woman who just lost her child. A woman who suffered through the last 12 weeks of nausea and vomiting. A woman who was planning the nursery theme and had bought at least a few outfits. No there is no reasoning with her.
I will never truly know why, and at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter to me. It took me a long time to get past the whole ordeal and be willing to do the pregnancy thing again. There is no easy answer for how and why. Every person is different and I would truly like to know other people’s progression. If you have ever been through this, I doubt it’s the right course of action to say welcome to the club, but there a people out there who can help and hold your hand during it, and after. It was after that I needed the most help. It was after that I continued to question why. It was, a long time after that I realized it wasn’t my fault. Sometimes things just happen, and there is no rhyme or reason. If my story can help anyone, then it’s worth it to put it out there. Thank you for sticking with me and please let me know your thoughts.
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